So, I met a guy today....Kinda. I’m definitely weird. First I’ll tell you the whole story, and then we’ll delve into why I’m weird.
Today is my older sister’s birthday, and the Civil War (Go Beavs!). As a gift to my sister, my Mom and I decided to take her to see Bolt, a movie she’s been dying to see. When I get up I put on all of my OSU-attire, for good luck. Even though I’m not into sports at all I still feel a sense of loyalty that tells me I need to support my alma mater.
After the movie is over, I sense that my sister needs a break from my parents. They can be a bit over-whelming for her at times. On my mom’s suggestion, I take Sis to Borders to pick up a a new planner. I was also seeking out the next book for me to read. This is a difficult task for me because I have no one specific genre or author that I adhere to. In fact I love and hate books within each category. So, picking a book out can be an entire day long process for me.
We walk into the bookstore, and are immediately drawn to a table labeled “Borders Suggests.” As I am pursuing the books, a young man in a Sony shirt approaches us and asks if we have a few minutes to spare. Hesitantly, and without looking up, I say “yes.” He then asks if I go to college.
At this point I think to myself “that’s a weird way to start your sales pitch.” Then I realize my attire and say, in a teasing manner, “No, I just graduated...did my shirt tip you off?” This is when I looked up at him for the first time and realized how attractive he was. I was really confused because the look on his face was one of surprise that I was wearing a shirt at all. He then flashed a look down at my chest, and I flushed. I was suddenly very aware of the fact that I had just MADE this cute guy look at my boobs. He then chatted with me briefly about whether or not I was planning on watching the game. It was then that it occurred to me that he originally had not noticed my shirt, and it became increasingly strange to me that he had asked me about school. I quickly explained that I am not into sports, but that I just felt a need to support OSU today. To which he responded “oh I understand, I still have a bunch of my Indiana stuff at home that I still wear.”
Smile. Laugh. Awkward pause.
Then he asks, again, if we have a minute to spare for his pitch.
Didn’t he already ask me that? I looked up at him, and suddenly realized that I was very attracted to him. He handed me the item that I just noticed he’d been holding the entire time. It was a Sony Digital Reader, but I was too embarrassed by his cuteness to really take in anything after that. I held the thing, it was actually pretty cool, and stared at it as if my life depended on it. The only time I moved at all was when he instructed me to press a button.
This is when I realized that I had frozen under the power of his attractiveness. I quickly thought to myself, “say something! Do something so he knows you’re still there.” So I muttered some quick “oh cools” and “wows.” This wasn’t cutting it, so I said “it’s really light weight, you feel it,” and passed it to my sister. Shortly after that the conversation ended, and he handed me a card with a promotional offer on it. I ended the interaction with a silent “I love you” muttered only within my own head.
So, I try to de-blush. I follow my sister around, but am clouded by the fluster that this man has just immersed me in. I wanted to mention my mental state to my sister, but every time I looked up he was within earshot.
I excused myself to the restroom, and when I came out my sister was all alone. I walked up to her and explained that he was my new imaginary boyfriend, and that we’re secretly in love...he just hasn’t been informed yet.
At this point we’ve found my sister the world’s coolest day-planner, and have now begun the search for the perfect book for Mindy. I seem to be magnetically drawn to my new boyfriend though. My whole search for a book is based upon a 5-10 foot radius of this man. Each time I look up, he’s there...and I like it. In the back of my mind I pay attention to his sales pitch each time he delivers it, and I smile. However, I’m looking for a book and so I keep reading the backs of books I have no interest in.
At one point, my sister approaches me with a smile and giggles “are you even reading that?” This is when I realized that it looked as though I silently following this man! I was actually reading these book covers...but now I’m not, and my sister has called attention to it. She ran away giggling. I have become increasingly aware of the fact that if I put this book down and go after her it will look as if I was just stalking him. So I stare at it for a minute. Then I pick up another book and stare at it. Finally, I find the courage to walk away from my new love.
I find my sister in the science fiction (of all places) section, giggling at me. I blush, and attempt to rise above it. All the while, I’m silently hoping that this guy will approach me and ask me to marry him, or at least to have some coffee. Sadly, it doesn’t happen.
As we get in the car home, my sister and I discuss our return to the mental state of a 13 year old girl with a crush. Turns out, he was totally into me to. I was too scared to look at him, but (and this is according to my sister who has a bias) apparently he kept looking at me throughout his pitches. All of his other pitches lasted about a minute (ours was over 5 minutes). There was no small talk with anyone else. His voice cracked when he talked to me. She also says there was "a palpable tension", and she felt like she had to give us a minute alone.
So, my friends, here is why I am weird. Well, actually there are several reasons, but I’m just going to walk you through this one. I had NO IDEA that he was hitting on me. I’m TOTALLY oblivious. I was completely confused by the fact that he would ask me about school without having noticed my shirt. I was unaware of his voice cracking (in retrospect, I noticed but didn’t think anything of it). I had thought his other pitches seemed more put-together, but figured I threw him off with my demeanor (I was friendly, and then I was frozen). And, why would he be interested in me. I’m in holey jeans, a sweatshirt, greasy hair, and wearing my glasses!
I’m also weird because of the way I behaved once I noticed he was beautiful. I was totally chatty and friendly, until I recognized his appeal. Then it was as though I shouldn’t talk to him. I had to ignore it or something. I suddenly had to stare elsewhere. Shouldn’t that be the other way around. Should I be cold and unfriendly when I don’t notice his attractiveness, and chatty and friendly once I sense his allure? It’s not how I work. I just blush, and stare away. God forbid he realize that I’m into him! That might actually spike some kind of romance in my otherwise lonely world!
A LARGE part of me wants to go back there. I want to find him and ask him to get a coffee with me, or give him my phone number, or anything. But I won’t, because I’m aware of my weirdness. I know that it wouldn’t go like that. In reality, I would approach him, smile, make some strange comment, and silently hope he confesses his secret love for me.
I may be in love with this guy. He may be my one and only. However, I will never know, because I’m a chicken. I wish there was a love fairy who would help me out here. So, if anyone reads this, and they want to. Please go find the guy and give him my number. Tell him that I love him, and that we’re meant to be together...well that might be a bit creepy. In my fantasy world, that would work.
Here’s hoping he calls me (on the phone number he doesn’t have) or shows up on my porch (to which he doesn’t know the address). I’d just like to hear him call my name (which he doesn’t know.)
I love you Borders Sony Reader Man.
;)
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