Say What?

Just for fun, here's a list of things people say that irritate the bejezus out if me.

"EX-pecially"
     The word is spelled E-S-P-E-C-I-A-L-L-Y. Figure it out.

Preempting an inquiry with the phrase "I have a question."
     It's just unnecessary. Everyone knows you have a question because either a) its a didactic setting and you've indicated your intent through use of the culturally normative arm raise or b) YOU'RE ASKING A QUESTION! Stop wasting everyone's time being ridiculous and get to the friggin' point already.

Misuse of the word "literally"
     Oh really? You were so scared that you literally pissed your pants? How embarrassing for you.
     Did your brain actually fall out of your head and roll away? No? Then you didn't literally lose your mind.
     Here's a trick: Mentally picture a scenario in which what you just said actually happens. Does it seem implausible or absurd? Then you probably meant to say figuratively. If you can't figure it out, then just don't say that part of it. See, watch how I do it: "Dude, I was so scared." Notice how I didn't add the gross image at the end? Lock it up.

"And such as/what not/so forth...you know?"
     Um... no. I don't. Do you? Because you haven't really said a damn thing. So much of what you just said was comprised of filler that it was entirely devoid of substance and actual meaning. You lost me at your first incomplete sentence when you just assumed it was clear where you were going. Then you followed it up with about eight more of those beauties. Now, I'm not even sure what the original topic was. My head hurts, and I want you to shut up, but you're not going to until I indicate that I do in fact know. So now I'm nodding. Stop making me nod.

"I don't believe in that"
     Listen, I understand that you're a vegan, but what do you mean you don't believe in eating animal products?  It's a thing. People actually do this. Also, what are you getting at when you say you don't believe in Alcoholics Anonymous? You know it exists right? Like, it's really out there. How can you not believe in something that's real and accessible? You must be trying to say that you don't support it, or that you don't agree with it. Unless, of course you're completely out of touch with reality. If that's the case, there's more going on here than your views on social justice. You should probably see a doctor. Unless...maybe you don't believe in them either.  I guess you could consult something less mythological, perhaps a sorcerer?

"I was gonna say..."
     Yeah, no you weren't, because you didn't. Maybe you intend to say it now? I'm not even really sure.
     What exactly is the point in this phrase? It's past tense, indicating you have not said it. However, it also seems to imply that you have changed your mind and decided not to say whatever it was. And yet, it's nearly always followed by the thing you supposedly elected not to share. Here's an idea, quit putzing around with all that needless build up and JUST SAY IT ALREADY!