My Love Life

Location: EVERYWHERE
Mood: worried
Music: I'm Not Okay - My Chemical Romance

People, I am facing serious issues here…

SERIOUS…

My cute-detector is broken.

What is a cute-detector? you ask. (Good question!) A cute-detector is a piece of you (I’m unclear as to whether it’s in your brain or if it’s otherwise physiological) that tells you approximately how attractive someone is.

This is a serious problem that has the potential to cause some intense predicaments. It has been so long since I have dated anyone, since I’ve flirted, since I’ve had any kind of attention in anyway that I am now broken! I can’t tell if people are cute. It started out slowly. I just got excited over smiles from moderately attractive people. Now, its traumatic. My heart flutters when uggos even look in my general direction.

The other day I was hanging out with a friend, and a guy drove past us. I said, “he looks like he could be cute.” He parked his car, and got out. I’m not kidding here, he was Shamu’s first born.

Did I mention that this is a problem?

It’s gotten so bad that I’m starting to wonder about my age-detector. An age-detector, for those of you who couldn’t figure it out (seriously?), is the part of you that can detect approximately what age a person is. If this detector goes, then I am screwed. I’m genuinely worried that I’m going to go a little crazy over a 14 year old. Maybe I should start asking guys if they have their learners’ permits before I talk to them.

The biggest concern over this new development is I am a prime target for a 14 year old boy’s affection! Look at me! I look like I’m 14 myself. These boys look at me, assume I’m their age but with boobs, and they go wild.

I realize that this could be evolution's way of having my back. It’s like nature is telling me that it’s been so long since I’ve had any attention that I need to lower my standards and increase my odds. However, if my age-detector goes I’m in trouble.

I REPEAT:
THIS IS.
A.
PROBLEM!!!!

I need some attention. Anyone know any moderately attractive guys I can flirt with? I just need someone to pay attention to me for a little bit. If this doesn’t get resolve, next time you see me I’ll be driving my fat new boyfriend to the winter formal.