A Pre-Dream Curiousity

Location: Home
Mood: contemplative

I dated this guy once. It was sometime ago. I was in a pretty dark place when he came into my life. I knew him before that, but I had never really seen him. I was really down and he came along and sort of saved me from myself. I didn’t see it happening at first, but then there he was.

I guess it started out slowly. He would compliment me. Not vague niceties, but genuine praise that expressed utter amazement with my existence. Then I got sick. Really sick. And there he was again. He brought me things, and not the usual soup or well wishes. He brought specific things I had mentioned in passing. He listened to me. He talked to me. He even did things for me. Then, there was the way he looked at me. It was like I was the reason he got up in the morning, and I just didn’t know it yet.

Eventually, I started to realize what was right in front of me. I started to appreciate him, and then something amazing happened. I saw him. He wasn’t just some guy. He was everything.

In the beginning everything was good. It was that perfect combination of actually being with someone and wishing you could be with them more. I couldn’t wait to see him or talk to him. When I saw him, my stomach did somersaults. I could hardly believe it each time we kissed. The best part: He was just as infatuated with me. We were excited to be with one another. When we met eyes it was as though I was the dessert he’d been craving all his life.

We were together for quite a while, but (as good things often do) it went bad. Eventually, it ended horribly. It wasn’t quick, and it definitely wasn’t painless. It was this monumental event that left me bitter, angry, and cracked.

I don’t think of this relationship often, but when I do it’s always of the brutal end. It’s invariably with a degree of disappointment that I fell for him, and a level of hatred that it ever occurred at all. However, tonight the strangest thing happened. Exhausted from my day, I laid down to sleep and my mind wandered to this relationship.

Then I smiled.

I remembered the beginning of this relationship, and how deeply we felt for one another. I remembered the moments before we were together when he had told me I was beautiful. I thought of how ecstatic I was to see him each day. I remembered the goofy games we used to play, and how he made me feel like I was the only person in the world that mattered. I remembered the gifts he gave me, and all the little things we’d do for one another.

It’s weird how easily we forget things that were once so great. It’s also strange when they pop back into our mind.