Nothing in Particular

Location: Alpenrose Velodrome.
Mood: tired

Today I was thinking. Well, okay, actually I’ll let you in on a little secret: I think everyday. I’m always thinking. My brain thinks. I’m a thinker.... Today was a special case of thinking. Obviously. That’s why I’m writing about it.

The point Mindy?

Right, sorry. I don’t talk much to people I don’t know. I've always wondered why. It’s not like I don’t know how to talk. When I do, people seem to like me...I haven’t really figured that one out yet. It’s not like I don’t think of questions. Sure, I tend not to think of small talk questions. Things like “what’s your name?” and “What do you do for a living?” don’t occur to me. I think more along the lines of, “I wonder what his childhood was like.” and “why does she have those mannerisms.” Not things you can ask acquaintances without them thinking your weird. But there’s always been more to my quietness than just that.

Then today it occurred to me. I also don’t like to pry. I was standing with a woman who I have known for most (if not all of) my life. This whole time she’s been married to the same man. They seem very happy. We were at a birthday party, and her husband wasn’t there. I was thinking. Here’s what my thought process went like.

“I wonder where her husband is. Maybe he had something to do. Just ask her where he is. I can’t ask her that. Well why not? It’s a perfectly valid question What if they had a fight? or Worse, what if they’re separated and getting a divorce?! I don’t want to remind her. Well, if it’s happening she knows it’s happening so you won’t be reminding her of something she’s forgotten. Plus, they’re probably fine. Yeah, but what if they’re not fine and I’m the one who reminded her? Oh god just ask!”

After about two minutes of that I finally asked. He stayed home because he wanted to do the laundry. Very mundane.

So this thought process set me analyzing myself. (Like I so often do). I realized that earlier in the day a similar thing had happened to me. A man I have known my whole life was at this bike race that I was at. He had a band aid on his cheek. I wanted to ask him about it, but I didn’t because… Well, here is what my thought process went like.

“I wonder why he has that band aid on his face. It kind of looks like it might have just been a scratch. It’s right in the middle of his cheek. Actually, it looks more like he had a mole, or something cancerous removed. I should ask him about the band aid. But what if it was cancerous and that upsets him? True he doesn’t get upset that often, but what if I’m the one who upsets him by asking. What if it’s something stupid and he’s embarrassed? Plus, I bet everyone has been asking him about it all day. I won’t ask.”

I never asked, but once I realized my problem I wondered why not. It’s not like this man was unaware of the band aid on his face. Like if I had asked he’d go, “what band aid?” Or if he’d had a mole removed, it’s not like he wouldn’t know it had been removed. Even f he was embarrassed, it’s not like that’s my fault. Plus, if he was THAT embarrassed maybe he just shouldn’t have gone out in public with the band aid on.

So, I guess maybe my point is that I over think things. Often I wonder about deep things and don’t care about the superficial. I hate to pry. And, I’m too concerned about upsetting other people.

The End