A Pre-Dream Curiousity

Location: Home
Mood: contemplative

I dated this guy once. It was sometime ago. I was in a pretty dark place when he came into my life. I knew him before that, but I had never really seen him. I was really down and he came along and sort of saved me from myself. I didn’t see it happening at first, but then there he was.

I guess it started out slowly. He would compliment me. Not vague niceties, but genuine praise that expressed utter amazement with my existence. Then I got sick. Really sick. And there he was again. He brought me things, and not the usual soup or well wishes. He brought specific things I had mentioned in passing. He listened to me. He talked to me. He even did things for me. Then, there was the way he looked at me. It was like I was the reason he got up in the morning, and I just didn’t know it yet.

Eventually, I started to realize what was right in front of me. I started to appreciate him, and then something amazing happened. I saw him. He wasn’t just some guy. He was everything.

In the beginning everything was good. It was that perfect combination of actually being with someone and wishing you could be with them more. I couldn’t wait to see him or talk to him. When I saw him, my stomach did somersaults. I could hardly believe it each time we kissed. The best part: He was just as infatuated with me. We were excited to be with one another. When we met eyes it was as though I was the dessert he’d been craving all his life.

We were together for quite a while, but (as good things often do) it went bad. Eventually, it ended horribly. It wasn’t quick, and it definitely wasn’t painless. It was this monumental event that left me bitter, angry, and cracked.

I don’t think of this relationship often, but when I do it’s always of the brutal end. It’s invariably with a degree of disappointment that I fell for him, and a level of hatred that it ever occurred at all. However, tonight the strangest thing happened. Exhausted from my day, I laid down to sleep and my mind wandered to this relationship.

Then I smiled.

I remembered the beginning of this relationship, and how deeply we felt for one another. I remembered the moments before we were together when he had told me I was beautiful. I thought of how ecstatic I was to see him each day. I remembered the goofy games we used to play, and how he made me feel like I was the only person in the world that mattered. I remembered the gifts he gave me, and all the little things we’d do for one another.

It’s weird how easily we forget things that were once so great. It’s also strange when they pop back into our mind.

Um, Wow

Location: Salem
Mood: aggravated

I had an interview today. It’s not the first interview since my last installment, but it’s the first worth saying anything about. (The last went okay).

This is for a professional therapeutic company that shall remain nameless. I applied for some open positions that I found online. I got VERY LITTLE information about the position and the company. However, my application for a Residential Counselor got pushed through, and I was asked to come in and meet with the associate director (a woman named Tami). I set up the interview a week ahead of time. Then I attempted to learn what I could about the organization in order to prepare myself.

I couldn’t find anything.

So, at this point I’m thinking this interview could go several different ways. It could be a residential counselor for nutbars, or it could be really interesting and not at all scary. It could be a glorified ass-wiper, or it could be just what I need. No idea.

I wake up this morning, and I have a freaking rash on my face! It was around my mouth (and no I didn’t do anything pervy to get it), so it’s right where you can’t hide it and the interviewer is going to be looking. So, that’s a great start to my day. I’m already apprehensive about what this job even is, and now I’ve got rash-mouth. I’m thinking I’m going to be SUPER impressive (in case you can’t tell, I’m being SARCASTIC).

The interview is in Salem, so I left two hours early. This gives me about 45 minutes to get lost and find the place. On the way down I thought I was getting pulled over two different times. Luckily I only THOUGHT I was getting pulled over, and the cops drove right past me. I’ve never been pulled over though, and this causes my heart rate to sky rocket. So, I’m nervous and freaking out.

When I arrive in Salem, Gloria PeuterSchmidt decides to go all weirdo on me and tell me to turn left when she clearly meant right...twice. When I finally got myself in the right direction (I’m not even sure how I figured out that she was tricking me), I drove right past a gas station and she says “You have arrived.”....
...
...
At a gas station? Um, Gloria, no way in hell did I just drive down to Salem to interview at a freaking Arco! Of course, this is an area of town that is one-way streets only. So, I wind up driving around the block about 1500 times. Finally I decide to call the place. So I pull over and look at my notes to get the phone number.

Yeah, I didn’t write a number down (let this be a lesson to anyone who ever finds themselves in my position). It’s now 12:55 and my interview is at 1pm. I know I have some email correspondences with a woman who works here. So I call home to have someone check my email for me.

No answer.
I call my mom’s cell phone.
No answer.
Dad, no answer. Sean’s out delivering food for the YMCA or something.

I tried calling my sister, but I thought this was a long shot because she never answers her phone. One ring later Amber answers her phone! She’s sitting at her computer! So she logs into my G-mail, finds out I’m at the right place, and gets the number for me. THANK GOD FOR AMBER!!!

Turns out Gloria kept telling me the building was on the right hand side of the road when it was actually on the left. Needless to say, Gloria and I are not exactly speaking right now.

I got there at 5 after 1, and had a nice little chat with the receptionist. Then two guys come to get me. I guess I’m not interviewing with this Tami woman. I’m interviewing with two guys, and one of them is VERY attractive.

So, here I am at this interview for a job I know nothing about, sitting across from a full on hotty, and I’ve got a freaking rash on my face!

They tell me about the job. I guess it involves helping sexually aggressive males. Yikes! Now I’m thoroughly frightened, but I listen hoping it gets better. It does, but not much. The pay is VERY little considering what they ask of you. If I’m offered it, I’ll probably have to turn it down because the pay doesn’t justify relocating to Salem.

One of these days I’ll find the perfect job.

People are Weird

Mood: tired

Why don’t people just say what’s on their minds? I think it’s fascinating. We always beat around the bush. We try to have people guess what our meaning is, and we often avoid directly telling people what we actually think.

I’m not immune to this. I just wonder why we are like this? Wouldn’t it just be easier if everyone was clear about what they want/need/felt? I think it would. Sure, occasionally there would be hurt feelings. However, I am not convinced that there would be more hurt feelings than there are now.

When we meet people we’re attracted to, wouldn’t it just make things easier if we could just tell them. “Hi, I’m Mindy, and you are hot. I think I may have a crush on you.” This SOUNDS great. I will probably never be able to do it. It sounds so great though. I would love to meet someone and have him say that to me. Even if I didn’t feel the same way about that person. It would just be nice to know upfront.

This doesn’t just apply to romantic situations. It would be so nice if you could just tell someone that they were bugging you. I mean, I know you CAN do this, but it’s rude. It would be so nice to just be able to say to someone “you’re getting on my nerves right now, and I’d rather you just left me alone.” At least that way you know where you stand with people.

People are weird creatures. Why do we operate contrary to common sense? I think it is so compelling