Feeling It Out

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I express myself more than most.  I talk about how I feel.  I get it out there.  This makes others uncomfortable.

In general, people dislike negative emotions. We see them as bad feelings that must be fixed.  When confronted with unpleasant emotions, we go to great lengths to get rid of them.  Mothers shush their babies, begging them not to cry. Teachers offer incentive plans, pleading with children to be good.  Over and over again we urge one another to turn our frowns upside down or to grin and bear it.  We rush to put band-aids on owies and wipe tears off cheeks. With the best intent, we try to replace pain with pleasantries.  In doing so, we push away bad feelings thinking they will stay where we put them.  Only they don't.

Life is full of stress.  Unfortunately, negative emotions are all around us.  We do ourselves a great disservice by avoiding upsetting feelings.  Setting aside distress momentarily alleviates anguish.  However, avoidance is negatively reinforcing.  It relieves us of stress, and deprives us of frustration tolerance skills.  The irony is that ignoring pain enhances our sensitivity to it.

In recognizing this phenomenon, I do the only thing I can do.  I acknowledge my feelings.  Initially I make no effort to fix them.  I allow myself to cry, yell, pout, or feel lost.  I recognize the sensation, and I identify the source.  Where appropriate, I express the feeling.  Often, this manifests as honest responses to inquiries about my mental state which results in bewildered expressions as others try to avoid that which I have not.