My Friend Tank

Location: Apartment
Mood: Anticipating sadness

When I started the work that I do, just over a year and a half ago, I met this little boy.  He was three years old at the time. I used to joke that he was shaped like a cinder block...because he was.   To my friends and family I referred to him as Tank.  He stood out amongst the other kids, because he had a certain quality.  Something about him was just...entertaining.

Tank could barely talk when I met him.  That's not for lack of trying (he loves to talk!), and it definitely was not because he was shy.  Tank's parents, for whatever reason, failed to recognize that he was sick. A lot. Poor kid had chronic ear infections.  No one knows what the world sounded like to him, but it definitely didn't sound like something his brain could convert into language.  He couldn't talk to the grown ups in his world, and he lacked the ability to ask for even his most basic needs to be met. However, what he did seem to find out was if he urinated around the house, tipped over large pieces of furniture, or hurt the other kids he got attention, and eventually his needs were met.

When I was first introduced to Tank, it was a couple months after he had corrective surgery. He was beginning to acquire language at a very rapid pace. However, his speech continued to be unintelligible.  I was just beginning my work in this field, and felt like I didn't have a clue about anything.  Then, there was this kid who I literally could not understand. He was bulky and clumsy. Tank crashed his way through the other childrens' toys and games, and seemed to enjoy their negative responses. If he wanted a hug, he would just run at you full throttle, and knock you to the ground.

Against all odds, he was the first child I worked with that made me feel like I had found my calling. I didn't know what I was doing.  I didn't know how to help.  I couldn't understand what he wanted to say, but I noticed him because he wanted to help me.  I was new to his classroom, and didn't know my way around.  Rather than telling him to complete tasks, I brought myself down to his level and looked at him as a tutor.  I asked Tank to help me learn the rules and where everything goes. And he loved it. He'd stop whatever destructive activity he was engaged in to show me where the Rescue Heroes were supposed to go.  If he started to run away from me, and I asked him when it was time to run, Tank would grab my hand take me over to the schedule.  Still running, but it's a start.

Eventually, I became a regular staff, and he became a more permanent friend. I followed him down the hallways as he tucked his arms in, shook his hips rapidly and chanted "potty, potty, potty, potty" in an amusingly low voice. Once in the stall he would sing himself through the steps, ("pee. pee. pee. stop. flush.") I listened as he attempted to explain the plot to his favorite movies with a limited and indecipherable vocabulary.  I was amazed at how patient he was with such a debilitating speech impediment.  He became incredibly expressive.  Tank would describe entire scenes in cartoons, and while you couldn't understand his words you could tell from his actions, mannerisms, and sound effects what was happening.

I will never forget the time he told me about his foster father driving a car.  He mimed the steering wheel, muttering incomprehensibly about what was happening, then he SCREEEEEEEECHED, and leaned sideways. "Woah," he said. Obviously, this had been an event.

I've been with Tank through two of his birthdays, and watched him grow. He's still rather stocky for his age, but he's taller and thinner now.  He looks more and more like a big boy each day. Currently he tells these surprisingly good Knock-Knock jokes (T: knock knock? ME: who's there? T:banana.ME:  banana who? T: Eat me.), and often poses hysterical scenarios (ex. "wouldn't it be funny if we didn't have feet?") . He enjoys affection, and will jump into your arms any time you ask for a hug. Tank is avoidant when it comes to big events, or strong feelings. However, he spontaneously says that he loves us, and I know it's true.

This week I have to say goodbye to Tank.  He has grown a great deal since I've known him. He's bigger, smarter, and more aware than ever before.  He still has a lot of work to do, but that work will have to be elsewhere. My team has advocated against his departure for nearly six months, but for reasons I can't fathom we've lost that battle.

This little boy is going to hear a lot of very upsetting news in the months to come, and I will no longer be there to support him.  He is going to leave my world. And I'm worried that this happy little boy is going to vanish entirely in the years to come.


Clearly, I can't tell his story as well as I can tell the others'.  I think it's because his is too close to home. No matter what, this child has made an impact on my heart, and I will never forget him for it.

Peter Parker Syndrome

Mood: thoughtful
Location: Apartment

Last weekend I re-watched the Spiderman movies,  and I was struck at how profound they are. There is a large number of lines that could be looked at out of context and still be incredibly moving. It got me thinking....

There is this little boy who lives in my world. He's really the sweetest kid once you get to know him. Unfortunately many people don't get that chance, because he's scary. This kid is only 4 years old, and I have known him to scare away at least a handful of full grown mature adults. I don't blame these people either. He scared me when I first met him. This little boy has some terrifyingly destructive, abusive, and assaultive tantrums that frequently require three adults to contain, but that's not who he is.

In his short life, he has been exposed to some awful traumas. His world was not safe. He was scared, confused, and trapped. His world is safe now. It's getting safer and healthier with each day. However, the impact of those early experiences lingers, and has impacted his mental health. Currently his tantrums are fewer and more manageable, but they are still scary. This little boy has an anxiety level higher than I have ever seen. He chews on his fingers, hits his head against walls (causing bumps and bruises), punches himself in the face, and falls to the ground with alarming power. He also perseverates. He fixates on colors, objects, characters, stuffed animals, and insects. These fixations often result in tantrums. In the time I have known him, he has been obsessed with the color blue, spiders, swimming pools, a stuffed spotted dog, fire trucks, spider webs, the number 2, and, Spiderman.

His Spiderman fixation might be my favorite. He knows the wrist web slinging maneuver, and for sometime used it frequently. He may not have been aware of it, but it was clearly an attempt at a coping mechanism. This little boy walked around with both hands cocked and ready to swing webs on whatever may be in his path. If you called his name, he would turn abruptly and point his wrists at you. It was hauntingly adorable.

This past weekend, while watching Spiderman, I realized just how perfect and insightful this little boy's hero worship is.  Without knowing it, he has chosen the most appropriate superhero.

Spiderman is really just Peter Parker in a fancy outfit. He is a completely ordinary person with his faults and his strengths just like the rest of us.  Then, he experiences a series of events that cause a reaction of extreme proportions. Suddenly, Peter Parker is capable of these extraordinary things, it's awe-inspiring, but it's also pretty frightening. He develops a costume and persona that allows him to do things that would interfere with his ordinary life. He hides behind a mask.

But, behind that mask is Peter, the sweet, geeky boy, who is trying to figure out who he is and what is right in this world. He is isolated by the things that his body does, and the demons that he fights while it's happening. He can't talk to the people who love him, because he's scared of what acknowledging that will mean.

The biggest difference here should be obvious. As Spiderman, Peter does great things. He saves people, and helps improve the world. Most people love him, and celebrate his extraordinary ability while he hides behind his mask.

For my friend, it's different. He does have a support system that loves him when he is not hiding behind his wrist flicks and his tantrum mask, but he can't accept it. He sees himself just as most people do. They see him as the demons he fights.

The Destruction of Society as We Know it.

I have come to the conclusion that text messaging is ruining the world.
 It feels like no one actually calls anyone anymore.
When you text a person, there is no voice. You have no inflection in your words. Because of this, it is hard to decipher your actual meaning. This is especially detrimental for someone like myself. My main means of communication is through sarcasm. When you can't overemphasize words, draw out sentences, or act out your silliness through vocal mannerisms, you come off like an insensitive bitch. No fun. This can sometimes lead to arguments. What was originally meant as a brief conversation can become a huge misunderstanding, or (in a worse case scenario) an all out electronic brawl.

This leads me to another point. What is the point of having a texting conversation? Sometimes it can take hours, or even days. It's ridiculous! Say you want to see if someone will go to the movies with you. If you call them up it will go like this:

A: "Hey want to see a movie?"
B: "Which one?"
A: "Attack of the 50 foot Cactus."
B: "Sure, what time?"
A: "How's 5:30"
B: "Cool, see you there."

That took me less than a minute to type. But in all reality it's going to take a minimum of 5 minutes when you factor in sending time, service strength, and the length of time it takes to wrestle your fingers over those tiny screens. Now, Imagine how quickly it would go if spoken aloud. Scratch that. Read it out loud. How long did it take you? Thank you for proving my point.

That conversation could possibly take forever in text land. You'd send out your original "hey want to see a movie" text around, we'll say noon. But, Jo-Bob (or whatever you're calling your friends these days) might not be near his phone. He might get it around 1:30pm. So, you get the inevitable: "Sry dude jst got ur txt! movie sounds gd still dwn?" But, alas, you were not by your phone at this point in time. You had gone downstairs to google your name, or hulu reruns of Scrubs. You don't get the message until around 3ish. Jo-Bob assumes your lack of response means "no," and he has gone out. He put his phone on silent. Therefore Jo-Bob doesn't notice your text until around 5:15pm. Luckily you were by your phone. You think, "perfect timing!" Think again. When Jo-Bob went out, he saw Attack of the 50 foot Cactus. Now you need to figure out a different movie to see, but Jo-Bob hasn't turned his phone off silent. He doesn't know you still want to hang out. He's busy playing video games, and doesn't check his phone at regular intervals. Instead of having a meaningful interaction with another human being you end up spending your day alone.

Another reason why texting is ruining civilization: Did you read that message that Jo-Bob typed? Where did his vowels go? What is up with that punctuation?! I kind of want to scream at him, but I can't because his phone is on silent. Text messaging has brought about all of these abbreviations and written shortcuts. Half the time I don't even know what I'm reading. Then I need to consult the internet in order to decipher whatever code language your communication has devolved into. It's exhausting.  Now it's seeping into oral communication. Think of the number of times you've heard someone say "OMG" or "BTW" a loud in the last year. Now slap yourself that number of times.

This is what society is turning into. I'm tired of getting "how are you?" or "what's up?" text messages too. If you honestly want to hear the answer to that question you should call me, because I'm most likely going to lie to you over text message. This is not because I don't care enough to tell you. It's because it takes forever to give a genuine answer to this question when you're attempting to type a message with character restraints.

Plus, half the time the predictive texting mechanism on the phone thinks you've said a non-word and changes it to something nonsensical. After you've spent 15 minutes crafting the perfect response, you hit send only to discover this in your outbox: "I'm grwat. Work ie too. I local my me place. You should come view something." It's just easier to respond "good" or "nothing." My phone knows those words.
Bottom line: call me. Let's chat. I want to know how you're doing also.

But, perhaps the most unsettling reason that texting is ruining our world. The fact that most people are more comfortable texting one another than speaking to each other. How are we supposed to meet people or get to know anyone when we can't even interact with each other? Eye contact with strangers makes us uncomfortable. We don't know what to say to one another in the elevator. Instead, we whip out our phones to text someone rather than actually speak to the person standing right next to us. We are too afraid of rejection to actually call someone we're interested in, so we send the ever profound "hey!" message. When people call us we respond by looking at the screen and saying "that's weird why is Mary Lou calling me?"

It's all so depressing. I really enjoy people watching, but lately there hasn't been much to watch. I look out the window of my local coffee shop, and all I see are people looking at screens. Men standing at bus stops, texting someone. Women walking in pairs down the street, but not talking to each other. No, that would be awkward. They're both looking at their phones.

From an evolutionary standpoint, things do not look good. Eventually we're going to loose the ability to be successful in social functions. We'll have to carry around screens and keyboards in order to communicate with other people. Avoiding eye contact will result in some crucial misreading of social cues. We'll never make any new friends. We're becoming a selectively mute autistic society, and I'm scared for our future. NE Ways. G2G. TTYL