Peter Parker Syndrome

Mood: thoughtful
Location: Apartment

Last weekend I re-watched the Spiderman movies,  and I was struck at how profound they are. There is a large number of lines that could be looked at out of context and still be incredibly moving. It got me thinking....

There is this little boy who lives in my world. He's really the sweetest kid once you get to know him. Unfortunately many people don't get that chance, because he's scary. This kid is only 4 years old, and I have known him to scare away at least a handful of full grown mature adults. I don't blame these people either. He scared me when I first met him. This little boy has some terrifyingly destructive, abusive, and assaultive tantrums that frequently require three adults to contain, but that's not who he is.

In his short life, he has been exposed to some awful traumas. His world was not safe. He was scared, confused, and trapped. His world is safe now. It's getting safer and healthier with each day. However, the impact of those early experiences lingers, and has impacted his mental health. Currently his tantrums are fewer and more manageable, but they are still scary. This little boy has an anxiety level higher than I have ever seen. He chews on his fingers, hits his head against walls (causing bumps and bruises), punches himself in the face, and falls to the ground with alarming power. He also perseverates. He fixates on colors, objects, characters, stuffed animals, and insects. These fixations often result in tantrums. In the time I have known him, he has been obsessed with the color blue, spiders, swimming pools, a stuffed spotted dog, fire trucks, spider webs, the number 2, and, Spiderman.

His Spiderman fixation might be my favorite. He knows the wrist web slinging maneuver, and for sometime used it frequently. He may not have been aware of it, but it was clearly an attempt at a coping mechanism. This little boy walked around with both hands cocked and ready to swing webs on whatever may be in his path. If you called his name, he would turn abruptly and point his wrists at you. It was hauntingly adorable.

This past weekend, while watching Spiderman, I realized just how perfect and insightful this little boy's hero worship is.  Without knowing it, he has chosen the most appropriate superhero.

Spiderman is really just Peter Parker in a fancy outfit. He is a completely ordinary person with his faults and his strengths just like the rest of us.  Then, he experiences a series of events that cause a reaction of extreme proportions. Suddenly, Peter Parker is capable of these extraordinary things, it's awe-inspiring, but it's also pretty frightening. He develops a costume and persona that allows him to do things that would interfere with his ordinary life. He hides behind a mask.

But, behind that mask is Peter, the sweet, geeky boy, who is trying to figure out who he is and what is right in this world. He is isolated by the things that his body does, and the demons that he fights while it's happening. He can't talk to the people who love him, because he's scared of what acknowledging that will mean.

The biggest difference here should be obvious. As Spiderman, Peter does great things. He saves people, and helps improve the world. Most people love him, and celebrate his extraordinary ability while he hides behind his mask.

For my friend, it's different. He does have a support system that loves him when he is not hiding behind his wrist flicks and his tantrum mask, but he can't accept it. He sees himself just as most people do. They see him as the demons he fights.