Waste of Space

Could someone please explain to me why a dog needs a facebook page? I mean sure, maybe it's nice to have one location to post all your Fido pictures. I get that, but the rest of it? No thank you. Whoever runs that garbage is wasting their time posting status updates on behalf of their tail-chasing best friend.

Why are people amused by this? It's not funny. Chester didn't actually say those things. Sure, he made a silly face when he looked at the cat, or the doorbell got him in a frenzied barking kind of mood, but those words on "his" facebook are a person's thoughts. Why couldn't they post that as their own status? Is it really necessary to make an entirely separate profile for the hypothetical ruminations of a canine? Is anyone buying this? I just don't get it, but obviously it's working for someone. If you understand, could you explain it to me?

Also, what is the deal with couples sharing a profile? Talk about codependency. Can you not trust your partner with a social network of their own? *Please imagine the following quote in either a breathy airhead voice or the deep tones of a droll moron.*

"But now we have full disclosure in everything we do!" 

Blah blah blah barf. Because facebook is your whole existence? Nothing could possibly go on behind your back in the real world, or on a dating site, or *gasp* on your dog's profile.

"On second thought, it did seem weird that Buster was friends with so many floozies and gym rats right?"

I can't figure out what is more sad, your oblivious outlook, or your inability to loosen that leash a little. I give it five years. — Just wait, you'll see what I mean.

And another thing, a baby doesn't need its own facebook page either. The same goes for twitter accounts and tumblr (I'm looking at you Blue Ivy Carter). It's a damn baby! She can't even hold her head up, and the only thing that makes her smile right now is a particularly good gas passing. The pictures are great, and I can understand wanting to get the kid all set up so, when she's ready, her timeline is lifespan comprehensive, but this just seems like the modern day version of the ear piercing debate.

Chill out. Give the kid a chance to develop some autonomy. Then let her decide for herself what embarrassing images to throw out there. In the meantime maybe you could, you know, actually interact with your child. Just a thought.

I guess I could probably go on and on about my issues with cyber social networking, and I probably will at some point. However, for now this seems like a good place to end my pointless rant.