Whining

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Though I do not do it often, I think there is something to be said for a plaintive cry and a grumbling stomp or two. After all, there's a reason that kids do it.

Children have many tasks to achieve as they grow and develop. They need to absorb their cultural expectations, acquire the appropriate languages, and learn the rules of social interactions. They need to simultaneously figure out who they are and begin to understand the world as they perceive it. It's not easy work, and it results in a lot of struggles and setbacks.

As many of us have observed, these disappointments frequently result in outbursts. Kids get upset. They become distressed with other people, their circumstances, and themselves. When this happens, it interrupts the learning process. Being agitated fogs up the mind; making it difficult to process surrounding information. For this reason, one of the principle tasks of growing up is learning to calm oneself. Initially, when kids self-soothe it's not so pretty. Sometimes they tantrum, but often they whine. And why do they whine? Because it helps.

No. Whining doesn't solve problems. It's irritating and hard to listen to. Frankly, it's an annoying behavior that repels most people, but the whining isn't really for other people is it? It's a personal expression that serves the whiner more than anyone else.

Obviously, whining communicates. It tells those around them when a child is frustrated, overwhelmed, or discouraged. It places a sound to a feeling they have yet to identify, and allows them to begin expressing their concerns. But, it's so much more than that.

Whining is cathartic. It's a release of negative emotions that, if held in, would make the difficult work of children even harder. It gives them a chance to let go of disappointments in a physically tangible way. This is important, because once they let go of their unpleasant reactions kids can finally begin to move on.

As we grow up, we learn better, more mature mechanisms for deescalating and pacifying ourselves. The majority of us completely eradicate tantrums from our behavioral repertoire. We start to see whining for it's unpleasantness, and make every effort to rise above this innate reactivity. On the whole, that's a positive example of adaptation. However, it is notable that very few of us are able to cease whining entirely. Personally, I think this is because whining continues to serve an unidentified purpose. I try and acknowledge that whenever possible, and sporadically practice controlled whining as a tool for coping.