A Passenger's Perspective

Recently, I was fortunate enough to witness something amazing. I was seated quietly behind a young man as his classmates ate lunch and watched a movie. Being that this child would be adequately described with an autistic label, he had little shared interest in the film. He had just finished his own lunch, and began to occupy his time by perusing the leftover debris. He was particularly fascinated with his empty water bottle.

I watched quietly as he turned it over several times in his hands. He tilted his head back, and with a dazed expression lifted the empty bottle into the sky. With a whispering "woosh!" he brought the bottle down; placing it on the desk to his right. Wrapping his hand around the base, his throat let out a rumble. He tilted the bottle back and forth as his body rocked side to side. Shifting from 2nd to 3rd gear, the kid began to rev and roar his vocal chords. He rocked wildly in his desk; back, forth, and side to side. Quickly gaining speed, he violently jerked the bottle into 4th gear. When he reached 5th gear, his body settled in as he drove onto a gentler, more forgiving, surface. Then, out of nowhere, his engine let out a loud growl. The boy jumped to his feet, took a couple high pitched screeching laps around the room, and wound up at the classroom door.

"Where are you going?" an aide called out.
He downshifted, throttled his engine, and responded in a frightened tone, "I don't know!" With that, he opened the door, and sped out of the room.

Not really understanding why, this event stood out to me as especially significant. Later, as I drove my own car out of town, I remembered the confused look on his face when the imaginary vehicle took over his body and drove him from the room.

That weekend, I visited my pregnant best friend who lives in the town where we went to college. While I listened to her explain the nuances of her suddenly very grownup life, images of a similar child rocking violently in a desk kept coming back to me. While getting lunch just off campus, I watched co-eds wander by, and in my mind I saw the kid get out of the desk. When it was time to go, I took my usual tour down memory lane. Leaving town, I passed my ex boyfriend's old apartment, followed by the fraternity I frequently took refuge in. I drove a familiar path down a street I regularly traveled just 4 years ago. Each intersection brought a new memory, and with it, the child in my mind peeled around her own classroom once more.

I thought about my best friend, and her husband. I recalled their lives before they met, and the beginning stages of their relationship. I reflected over where we all thought their lives were going, and where they've since wound up. I remembered my own college romance, and the many roads I planned for my life to take. After the last light in town turned green and I shifted into first gear, I heard a familiar voice call out to the girl at the door in my mind, "where are you going?"

And just before merging onto the highway I thought to myself, "I don't know."