Being Seen

Image from Deathly Hallows found here

I used to know a kid who genuinely believed he was invisible. This superhuman impossibility was an easier explanation for his life than the truth.

Originally, his belief translated to some rather charming behaviors. After lining the kids up to come in from recess, we'd hear little footsteps followed by the dribbling of a basketball. One of us would run after him, and he'd stand there aghast.

"How'd you know I was here?!" He'd cry out.

Eventually, we adapted to his stealthy ways. Making sure to keep at least one eye on him at all times, we would call "I see you," whenever he covertly slipped away from the group. He'd typically respond with a confused "how?"

As his circumstances improved, he began to understand he was worth noticing. He would experiment by asserting his presence almost constantly. He'd loudly announce his activities, and boast about his prowess with the most menial of tasks. It was pretty typical to hear one of the assisting adults monotonously utter sentences such as "yeah, great job dumping your leftovers in the trash buddy," and "wow, you are really good at drawing lines."

However, with attention being relatively unfamiliar, this kid would draw so much to himself that he became uncomfortable. As a result, he fluctuated between slyly attempting to operate under the radar and boisterously rubbing his existence in your face. Not surprisingly, neither behavior got the poor guy what he wanted. He'd moan endlessly if you didn't notice him hang up his coat on the first try, and he'd be utterly disconsolate if you did see him hide his favorite book behind the TV. He couldn't win.

Only recently have I begun to understand what was at work here.

We often take attention for granted, but it's pretty important. Being noticed can contribute significantly to self-worth and self-perception. That being said, earning someone's attention can, at times, be rather difficult. There's only a limited supply, and deciding what to do with someone's interest in you can be a lot of pressure. To complicate matters, you can't control how another person sees you. You can control your actions, and use that to shift perception slightly. Although, ultimately the vantage point does not belong to you. Others will see what they want, and ignore the things they choose.