Mental Mess

In my teens, my mother routinely sent me to my room with the hopes that I would tidy it up.

"Don't come out until everything's put away," she would say. 

Having always been a good little listener, I'd do just what she asked. That is, I would march up to my room and remain there all day.

Sometimes I truly meant to clean up. However, I never actually completed the task. I would turn on some good music,stumble across a cherished momento, and, before I knew it, I'd be sprawled on the floor staring at the ceiling. In somewhat of a daze, I would spend hours in my room doing practically nothing. Pondering everything, I would close my eyes, gaze through my window, or zone out as I listened to the sounds of the world.

I'm certain my frustrated mother saw this practice as evidence that I didn't do anything she said. She likely didn't understand how I could waste an entire day doing nothing, all the while not even noticing my cluttered space.

These moments struck me differently. I found them very peaceful. As I laid there, ignoring my mother's directions, I gained mental clarity. Though it may seem lazy and inattentive, I realize now that this behavior served a beneficial purpose. Absorbing the itch of the carpet, the warmth of the light, and the pittering of rain droplets hitting the house, helped to organize my mind. It was a tranquil non-activity that gave me opportunity to realize what I knew, discover what I didn't, acknowledge my feelings, and release my distress.

When my mom called me down for dinner in the evenings neither one of us ever realized that, though my room was still a chaotic eyesore, I had done exactly what she asked of me. I may have chosen a different target, but I did stayed up there until everything was put away.

I wish now, in this highly technological world of persistent noise and visual stimuli, that I had an authority figure to send me to my room without distraction. I would love to occasionally be forced to put down the information overload devices and be marched off to a quiet space. Maybe then I could finally begin to sort through the never-ending piles of disarray accumulating in my mind.