Sitting With It

Image found here

I've seen a lot of scary behavior. Working with traumatized kids often lends itself to those kind of observations. I've seen tiny humans lift disproportionately large furniture, throw solid objects, and attempt to harm people during the most epic tantrums you could imagine. 

 Usually, when people ask me how I respond to these behaviors, I provide some kind of non-answer, like "it depends." I know they won't find the truth as helpful as they should. To the uninformed ear, what I really do doesn't seem like enough to calm another person in moments of unadulterated emotional distress. To those concerned with repercussions, it definitely doesn't seem sufficient.

So, what do I do when I'm with a child who is, for lack of a better phrase, freaking out?

I sit down.

That's it.

People who have seen me intervene during a variety of truly awful tantrums would probably argue with that assessment of my actions. They are likely to add that I listen with empathy and offer unconditional support.  These people aren't necessarily wrong. When appropriate, I also do those, and many other, things, but that's not what is important. What is important is me sitting down.

When I sit down, I get on the other person's level. I establish myself as present with them in their complete emotional meltdown.  I send the message that, no matter what, "I'm here with you, and I'm not going anywhere." This is important because often these kids are terrified. Even if they don't look like it, these kids are generally scared of something. This increased anxiety is isolating. Feeling alone and misunderstood only exaggerates the original problem. Similarly, attempting to correct the behavior before understanding it also makes it worse. So, I take a deep breath, and I sit down.

Sometimes I say something in an attempt to help quell a fear or ease a catastrophized reaction, but mostly I just wait it out.  Because the truth is, no one can tantrum forever, and often the experience itself is enough of a repercussion to aid in correcting the behavior. Then, all that's left is letting them know they were never really alone.