The Resolution

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I've never put much weight behind New Year's resolutions. I don't care for them. It seems silly to even bother. Few are actually kept, and the idea of changing simply because the annual calendar is ending seems arbitrary to me. Nevertheless, I made one this year. Or, I made one last year? Whatever. I made one for 2012. That's what I'm trying to say.

As 2011 came to a close, I found myself contemplating my love of writing and the misfortune that my studies and career path had me so overworked and emotionally drained that I didn't have much time for it. After one of my numerous discussions with fellow helping professionals about the importance of taking care of yourself (much like the airplane oxygen mask rule, it's important to secure your own wellness before you can help others achieve theirs), I decided something that changed the course of this blog.

"Screw my mental and temporal restrictions!" I thought. I enjoy writing. The creative process brings me peace and clarity. So, as an exercise in productivity, and making self-care part of my routine, I determined that 2012 would be a year of weekly blogs. As I shifted my Mindy's Musings to a less identifying name, I realized I could keep the original theme going by creating Monday Musings.

For someone who barely values New Year's Resolutions for their ability to change a person, I'm incredibly surprised to announce that I kept mine. This has not always been as simple as I expected. This past year has been rife with trying experiences, research papers, scheduling challenges, and the dreaded writer's block. Sometimes, I intentionally prepared my essays ahead of time, knowing there wouldn't be time in the Mondays to come. Other times, I stayed up until nearly the last minute to publish some impulsive and disorganized posts I wasn't exactly proud of, but I had apparently committed myself to this goal.

Clearly, I have produced a lot this year. Some of it evidences my skill in a way that reinforces my confidence and makes me proud to share with others. On the other hand, some of it is utter crap, and publishing it was embarrassingly humbling. Regardless, everything I have posted this year, including the fictional experiments and novel series, came from my heart.

Though it often didn't seem like it, working toward this goal was a revealing process. I started the year off feeling like I knew who I was. I set off to detail my own adventures in growing up in the hopes that it would solidify my self concept and help someone else recognized theirs. Over the past year I learned that my original intent was somewhat misguided. I put a little bit of myself into everything I churned out. As my readers unwittingly learned more about me, I discovered how much I actually didn't know about myself.

Surprisingly, I am alright with this revelation. It's okay that I learn something new about myself each week because I doubt I'm alone in this experience. I don't think any of us truly knows ourselves. There's always something new to learn and unexpected epitomes to be realized. If there isn't, you're not looking hard enough.

I was right about one thing however. No matter how old we are, everyone is striving for the next in a series of milestones  We are all just trying to grow up while simultaneously attempting to understand what that even means.


Happy New Year kids!  Thanks for sticking with me!