Due in part to the popularity of my recent list, and also because my biggest fan said it was petty "ranting," I have decided to produce another, more positive inventory. What follows is a few things that make me feel awesome.
Perfect parallel parking
There's nothing like the euphoria that comes from violently yanking the e-brake and shouting "boom! Nailed it!" This is an incredibly difficult task. Add to that my legitimate depth perception deficit, and it's damn near impossible. I never have any idea where the curb is, and I'm nearly always convinced that I will hit the cars I'm trying to fit between. So, when I don't it's incredibly gratifying. Even better is the bolstered sense of self-worth that develops after I realize my car is not stationed in the middle of the road. Way to go me!
Arriving on the MAX platform just as it is pulling in
Extra points if it's the kind with the upstairs section at the ends. Some may call this dumb luck. Others may think it's coincidental timing. That's just stupid. I genuinely believe this is proof that I rock at life.
Finding out that I can cut out 2 (or more) pages of my reading assignments
Haha! In your face Professor Overly-Ambitious! Here you were expecting to torture me with a 13 page article on the effects of interpersonal perception on introductory conversations between social dyads, but you don't even realize that it's really only 11 pages when you cut out the references. But, wait...WHAT'S THIS?! A FULL PAGE CHART IN THE MIDDLE! I am officially the luckiest person in the world!
Finishing an essay on the very last line of the maximum page limit
Uhh...yeah, I totally meant to do that. Behold all the glory that is me and my ability to plan thoughts down to the exact number of centimeters on an 8.5x11 word document. I'm pretty much the most excellent student that ever graced the halls of your establishment...except when I'm not...IRRELEVANT! This is not one of those times! Obviously. I just owned your sadistic page limits!
My guilty pleasure songs come on the car radio
HOLD UP! It's time to close the windows. I'm about to have a moment because it is pretty clear that those boys from One Direction are singing directly to my soul. I mean, it's obvious that I have a spiritual connection with my radio, and as far as I'm concerned there's no better self-care than the perfect Careoke (TM) session. This fortunate experience has a number of positive correlates. Sometimes it's the self-righteous sense of closure that I derive from belting a little Adele and Gotye. Other times it's the reaffirmation of my fun-loving attitude that results from a comedic rendition of Fatbottom Girls. Either way, I'm convinced each one of these moments contains a special message from the the music gods and it is meant only for me.
Unexpected Free Cookies
This is what happens whenever I walk into a room and hone in on a surprising platter of sweet baked biscuits: Leaving one eye trained on the tray to ensure it's not going anywhere, I cautiously approach someone I have a relationship with. Forgetting all social greeting norms, I whisper out of the corner of my mouth "um...what's the deal with the cookies?" When I get confirmation that those puppies are indeed up for grabs, I loudly celebrate my discovery and declare that day to be the greatest day of my life. What happens next is always a bit of a blur. It may or may not involve some kind of elfin dance as I quickly migrate to the location of my heart's greatest desire. Then, with a mouthful of deliciousness, I'll come back to reality. Oh, What was that friend? Were you still talking to me? I couldn't hear you over all the chewing. Also, why are you on the ground? I trampled over you in my triumphant dash to the tart table?! Whoopsie. Well, you understand. COOKIES!
Perfect parallel parkingThere's nothing like the euphoria that comes from violently yanking the e-brake and shouting "boom! Nailed it!" This is an incredibly difficult task. Add to that my legitimate depth perception deficit, and it's damn near impossible. I never have any idea where the curb is, and I'm nearly always convinced that I will hit the cars I'm trying to fit between. So, when I don't it's incredibly gratifying. Even better is the bolstered sense of self-worth that develops after I realize my car is not stationed in the middle of the road. Way to go me!
Arriving on the MAX platform just as it is pulling in
Extra points if it's the kind with the upstairs section at the ends. Some may call this dumb luck. Others may think it's coincidental timing. That's just stupid. I genuinely believe this is proof that I rock at life.
Finding out that I can cut out 2 (or more) pages of my reading assignments
Haha! In your face Professor Overly-Ambitious! Here you were expecting to torture me with a 13 page article on the effects of interpersonal perception on introductory conversations between social dyads, but you don't even realize that it's really only 11 pages when you cut out the references. But, wait...WHAT'S THIS?! A FULL PAGE CHART IN THE MIDDLE! I am officially the luckiest person in the world!
Finishing an essay on the very last line of the maximum page limit
Uhh...yeah, I totally meant to do that. Behold all the glory that is me and my ability to plan thoughts down to the exact number of centimeters on an 8.5x11 word document. I'm pretty much the most excellent student that ever graced the halls of your establishment...except when I'm not...IRRELEVANT! This is not one of those times! Obviously. I just owned your sadistic page limits!
My guilty pleasure songs come on the car radio
HOLD UP! It's time to close the windows. I'm about to have a moment because it is pretty clear that those boys from One Direction are singing directly to my soul. I mean, it's obvious that I have a spiritual connection with my radio, and as far as I'm concerned there's no better self-care than the perfect Careoke (TM) session. This fortunate experience has a number of positive correlates. Sometimes it's the self-righteous sense of closure that I derive from belting a little Adele and Gotye. Other times it's the reaffirmation of my fun-loving attitude that results from a comedic rendition of Fatbottom Girls. Either way, I'm convinced each one of these moments contains a special message from the the music gods and it is meant only for me.
Unexpected Free Cookies
This is what happens whenever I walk into a room and hone in on a surprising platter of sweet baked biscuits: Leaving one eye trained on the tray to ensure it's not going anywhere, I cautiously approach someone I have a relationship with. Forgetting all social greeting norms, I whisper out of the corner of my mouth "um...what's the deal with the cookies?" When I get confirmation that those puppies are indeed up for grabs, I loudly celebrate my discovery and declare that day to be the greatest day of my life. What happens next is always a bit of a blur. It may or may not involve some kind of elfin dance as I quickly migrate to the location of my heart's greatest desire. Then, with a mouthful of deliciousness, I'll come back to reality. Oh, What was that friend? Were you still talking to me? I couldn't hear you over all the chewing. Also, why are you on the ground? I trampled over you in my triumphant dash to the tart table?! Whoopsie. Well, you understand. COOKIES!
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