The Long-Wobbly Story

Location: My apartment
Mood: Irritated, Exhausted, & Confused

I wanted to take a minute out of my never neurotic (and hardly sarcastic) blog, to complain about a predicament I've found myself in. I'm annoyed right now.

The full story begins back in December, when I had two or three days of feeling dizzy.  I had several prolonged episodes of feeling as though I was moving, when I was clearly stationary. I attempted to ignore it, but started to get concerned when I experienced an apparent bending and contorting of the walls at work. Maybe it's just me, but I've always operated under the assumption that walls are supposed to remain where they are.

So, I did what I usually do when I'm curious, or don't want to deal with going to the doctor. I called Dr. Dad. I explained my symptoms to him, and he supposed that I had some sinus-related issue that was causing an inner ear problem.  He recommended allergy meds and decongestants.

Easy enough. Done.

Apparently this is the treatment for vertigo.

About two days later, things were not better. The dizziness was more frequent, and I was starting to get motion-sickness. It was akin to how I feel when I'm in the backseat of a car. Dr. Dad said I should probably call my Ear Nose & Throat (ENT) specialist. Turns out he didn't have openings until the end of January.  I didn't want to wait that long, so I saw his physicians assistant (PA) who determined that I had knocked some rocks around in my head (no seriously) and had benign positional vertigo. She basically moved my head & body around a bunch, put me on desk duty, and told me not to lay down for 48 hours.  It was irritating.

In the the following two days, I had an increase in dizziness. I basically always had that sensation you get when you're a passenger in a car that you've just realized was not stopped. Plus I was nauseous, and I would get added waves in which my own personal elevator lurched forward. According to friends and coworkers, I had lost all my coloring.  At the same time, I came down with something (no one is clear if it was related or not).  I had no appetite, no strength, and one of the worst sinus headaches of my life (this is saying something because I've had sinus surgery and subsequent post-operative headaches). I was so dizzy I worried about my ability to drive. The PA concluded that I had an infection (duh), which caused the vertigo. I apparently hadn't noticed the infection until this point because my history of chronic sinusitis had desensitized me to it.

YAY! Antibiotics and steroids!
Oh, right I'm trying not to be sarcastic.

Well, what we learned from all this is that I'm allergic to another antibiotic.  I broke out in the most uncomfortable rash. My skin was bright red, hot as hell, and stung all over. The PA hears this, and fears that despite my documented sensitivity to antibiotics I might also be allergic to steroids (a condition that's quite rare). She takes me off both medications. This would be fine, except that steroids are used to treat allergic rashes. It went out of control. I was itchy, stingy, and inflamed. Honestly, it was one of the worst feelings I've ever had.

Eventually, I was fortunate to catch a cancellation in my ENT's schedule. He agreed with the infection diagnosis. However, he felt that it was in my ears. It had caused inflammation and mucus in my sinuses and eustachian tubes. His two week treatment decreased, but did not eradicate the dizzy spells (which seemed to be made worse by certain sounds...weird right?). Also, I had begun to experience some fullness and ringing in my ears. Thinking it was an incredibly stubborn infection we did another round. My condition did not improve with the second round.

After a CT, and finding no abnormalities we both threw up our hands.  He told me he wanted to get a fresh look at it.  In his office, we talked about my experiences, I picked my right leg up, I picked my left leg up, he shook me all about, we did the hokey pokey, I turned myself around. That's pretty much what it was all about.

In the end, it was determined that I have an atypical presentation of Meniere's Disease. He put me on a diuretic, and told me to cut down on salt as much as possible. I was mad, but he's a good doctor so I complied.

You guys, I actually got better. If I were writing this last week, I would tell you that I'm down to one or two very (max of 5 seconds) brief episodes a day.

You'll notice I'm not writing this last week.

On Monday, I noticed I was light-headed and very sensitive to positional changes, especially going from kneeling/squatting to standing. This is problematic as I work with disturbed preschoolers. It's like an aerobic catholic mass (i.e. stand up, sit down, kneel, stand, jump, run, sit, squat, stand, turn). On Tuesday, I was really light-headed. More so on Wednesday, and was disturbed that standing on a stool triggered a head rush.  Dr. Dad said to call my ENT.

Early this morning, I had briefly squatted to get something out of a box, and then stood at a normal pace. It caused a head rush so intense I had to sit down, and feared I might vomit. I remained nauseous for 10 minutes following it.  I called my doctor.

Now, I have told you ALL of that to illustrate my journey towards complete frustration. My ENT wants me to get my blood drawn again, and to take some kind of supplement that I've never heard of

I want to cry. I'm tired of this shit. I'm confused.  My equilibrium is failing me, but otherwise I feel healthy. I've changed my diet. I can't afford to spend all this time, energy, and money on such a stupid little thing. I'm exhausted (figuratively and literally). I'm sick of medication side effects, and I want this to be done.

To top this all off, I'm starting to doubt my mind.  My parents mean well, but they keep posing that it's a result of, and exacerbated, my worrying.  I don't feel like I'm stressed about it. I just want to be better. However, I do talk about it with them quite a bit. Maybe that means I am overly worried about it?

I don't even know.  Should I just abandon all treatment and hope for the best? I want to, but then I remember how I felt before, and it caused me to seek treatment. I know that dizziness and head rushes happen normally.  I think the ones I'm experiencing right now are more intense than those experienced by the general population, but now I can't be sure.

Am I a hypochondriac? Have I created an illness out of nothing? Or is there really something there?

I just don't have the answers.